Perception – What’s Yours?

Weekends always excites us all and so to kids as they have more time to play and engage with their friends. My Daughter was excited and thrilled as it was Saturday and her two friends were coming to play with her whom she calls BFF (Best Friends Forever). As they all were making pranks and playing around in the house, suddenly my daughter came to me crying and said, my friends don’t like me, they both are playing with each other and not with me. I hugged her and said “That’s not true dear, they both came to your house to play with you, they both made cards for you, care for you when you are not well… How is it possible that they don’t like you?” She realised the reality immediately and rushed back to her friends and me being like any protective mother went behind her and told her friends that let’s play a game which all three of you can enjoy. To which one of her friends replied “but she doesn’t want to play with us.” I smiled, as I was struck with a moment of realisation “Perception is not Reality.”

While my daughter was engulfed with the emotions of distress and sadness that her friends don’t like playing with her, her friends were feeling that it’s my daughter who is not keen on playing with them. Irony, Right? Well, its simple… Think of it this way. Perception is that lens through which we view reality. Now if your lens is red colour it makes the world red and if it is green in colour, it makes the world green around you. The problem here is everybody is wearing different lens basis their genes, past experiences, surroundings, emotions, self – interest, beliefs and value system. So, we spend all our life assuming that how we perceive reality is the exact representation of reality and we create major disruptions, fights, protest with our own family, friends, relatives, society, community & country. From a small fight between friends to biggest wars between countries, from a small argument in family to biggest separations between masses in pretext of religion & ideologies falls under one telescopic lens – Your Perception!!! Hence, it’s very important to understand that perception occurs entirely inside your mind (either because of your assumption or an implantation of thought to create manipulation) but reality is outside your mind. In short, Your Perception is not Reality – It’s JUST YOUR reality! Example: Somebody who spends less can be miser for one person and wiser for another. Somebody who eats only vegetarian food can be stupid for one while smart for another. Somebody’s emotion can be love for one while unpleasant for another. Somebody’s simplicity can be quirky for one but art of sophistication for another. Similarly, some regulations and changes in act can be annoying for one section but welcoming for other.

The biggest challenge which we face is how to align our thinking with others, yet remaining close to actual reality. The more we are able to align and find mutual consensus grounds better we can maintain individual, relationships, societal, religious & government grounds. How can we do this? Well, I will try to give some ideas from my side.

1. Remember, your perceptions are not reality. (They are just your reality!)
2. Be respectful of others perception. (They also carry the possibility of being right)
3. Don’t hold your ideology & perceptions too tightly, they may be wrong. (And the word “I” don’t allow you to do that)
4. Keep challenging your perception (That’s the only way to evolve)
5. Your near & dear ones will usually speak your language. Either because of fear of losing you or being conditioned like you. (Try validating it from experts for different perspective).

So next time you get into an argument or tug of war, try considering this… ‘People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth’ – Roberto Bolaño